Career Day

Tuesday nights Nathan goes to guys group and after I put my son down I usually pick up a crochet project or a book and spend some quiet time to myself. Last night I wanted some good back ground noise/distraction so I logged on to abc.com to check out their TV shows on line. I found a new series that I had recently read about called, Cashmere Mafia. First of all the title is Awful rather cheesy/cliche if you ask me. Second it is based on a book by the woman who did Sex and the City, Carrie something (aka: sara jessica parker) Sex in the City I never followed but caught the few episodes I saw on DVD, not too much to think about that show.
Cashmere Mafia though caught my attention, and not in such a good way. All four women are high end professionals in....take a guess?...New York City. Surprise! They are all wealthy and thus can afford to pull out brand new Gucci bags, flaunt their well organized closets with five shelves devoted to bags and purses, let alone the clothes they wear in each shot (we're to assume designer). That's fine, let girls have their vanity I dont care. Paint women strong and dominant, but please oh please do accessorize just right.
Ok, I'll stick to one beef I have about one of the characters (but don't hold your breath, I dont think I'm finished with this topic). So this one girl (I'll call her readhead) is CEO of some male dominant business, married to banker/investor type guy, one daughter. He's having an affair (suspensful I know) with someone she knows. As Red describes it, she's known he's had affairs but they are always out of town things, people she doesnt know. She wants to keep someone around in order not to be the blind date, divorcee kind of woman. She wants to spend holidays with someone, and this is why she's never said anything. Fair enough. I want someone to spend holidays with, and I would want to hold on to any idea of love I had for that someone. For a time.
This is her plan of attack however. In this radically glorified scene at a benefit she's thrown, as she is being recognized for her acheivements, she wispers to her husband that she knows, and that she will "take on a lover" out of their friends and he will not know when or who. Then before he can say anything, she has to get up to make a speech amongst all this roar of applausal. It is as though she is the strongest woman and just gave him the real one two puch.
Her friends begin looking for someone to set her up with. Not trying to understand if she is hurt, angry, emotionally empty etc etc, rather they give her this marvelous make over and she feels and looks great. Her husband is all sorry sorry sorry You're beautiful you look beautiful, because she comes home looking like the million dollar woman. This makeover is any hurt woman's dream. We go straight to our looks when confronted with any number of issues. Depression, Anger, Happiness, what ever it might be, and we look towards fixing our outward appearence either with makeup, new hair, the right clothes. I've done it, am trying to let go of the habit badly. All Red is ever going to feel deep underneath is a desire to understand and be reconsiled to her husband. Someone you've known for years and have trusted your life to stabs you in the back, and all you are going to do is sleep with someone else, invest some of yourself and time into another man. Not so satisfying to me, but that is just my opinion.
I guess I just don't get the mindset. I'm sure there are stockbroker women watching this show thinking, Gosh I relate to the mom trying to find a nanny to raise my kids, or, Geese, marry a great guy or take him out of the competition for a promotion? I want to work, to do something more than just take care of kids, but seeing how I was put into the role of motherhood with out planning it I've had to take time to asses where I am at, where I wanted to be, and how I fit into mother hood. Personally I think motherhood should not be coupled with Full time work. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't work and just stay home with kids, but when the compromise begins to shift the connection between you and your kids then think about what is priortized. I think the conflict with all of these women in the show is trying to balance work/husband/family and that it is not fair that women should have to choose between these things. I dont think women should either. But I don't think women should have pity parties about their choices and tell everyone that it's not fair. I am a beliver in making a decision, and if it is work, then work, if it is to raise kids at home then do so. Don't be a fence sitter and try to be the end all of moms.
I want to have a personal life, to do things the way I want when I want and how I want. But loving others around you does not match with the prior way of thinking. I'll get a job someday, but not at the expense of my husband and children. In order to "make more than my husband" (as the cashmere mafia see it) I have to put myself first, it's just the way this male dominant society has seen fit, and no I will not succumb to living under and submitting to a man. Rather I will stand up to a job that they often can not do as well, or just plain don't want to do (as my father puts it) and work in a partnership with my husband.

more to come